You may have noticed over the past couple of months I’ve backed away on some things on this blog. I’ve constantly been here, checking the site and reading books to review, but I’ve lacked the necessary confidence to post many of the reviews I’ve written, or half written because of thing called self doubt.
In the past six months or so I’ve read some AMAZING books, books that if I happened to be standing along side you I could talk your ear off about because I’ve loved them so much. Books that have made me want to stand on a roof top (if I wasn’t afraid of heights) and yell out to confess how much I’ve loved these books and how you needed to read them yesterday because they are that great. Books I want to sit down and write reviews about. Potentially gushing reviews that implore you to buy them ASAP so that we can chat about how amazing they are together and bond over books like the book community does at large. I’ve even sat down to write many of these such reviews. For a number of these reviews I’ve even started writing them…. and then I stop. The words no longer flow, and insecurity seeps in. I save the draft and turn off the computer and before I know it I’m drowning in half written reviews about books that I REALLY want to tell YOU about. With every half written review, the more doubt seeps in and before I know it, I’m trapped in a seemingly endless cycle.
What’s causing this self doubt and torment you ask? Some of the books were so great that I originally didn’t feel I could do them justice in a review. So I started to second guess myself, and then the real problem started: words were failing me and I couldn’t express my opinion in a way I felt was adequate. Because the words didn’t come when I sat down to write, despite the fact that I could write a review in my head when sleeping or in the shower. The second I sat down to write them, I’d seize up and nothing would come. I know that this is commonly known as writers block to some extent, but what I was facing was a little bit more than that too. I felt inadequate as a reviewer; inferior in some way to some of the amazing bloggers and reviewers out there.
The something happened recently. A family friend read a book I raved about on my facebook account. She loved it. Gave it to her family members, who also loved it. I ran into said friend an author event quite unexpectedly and she told me about her experience and thanked me for putting her on to such a great book. She asked for some more recommendations. I gave them to her.
Then another friend who I didn’t realise knew I had this blog mentioned in passing that she loved something I had posted. That she too had read a book I’d reviewed. That she was impressed by what I knew. I didn’t think I knew anything special, but it made me feel good for a moment. Then one of my cousins asked about my blog, and then another from the other side of the family and we had a great discussion on books. And a trickling effect started, and I realised people not only read what I had to say, but sometimes they liked it. Which made me feel a bit better, and I finished and posted a review.
So if I’ve promised you a review, this is my apology for a delay. They are coming, and they will be more frequent on this blog. I’ve sorted my self doubt issue and am back on track. I still worry that I might not express my opinion in a worthy manner, but this seemingly solidarity trip I was on just became a little bigger with the knowledge that people not only appreciated the time and effort I’d put in, but they liked what I had to say and felt I did an all right job (with the exception of now) at doing so.
So from one faceless stranger out there I want to thank you for those that read my blog in any shape or form. I want to thank you for being here even if you don’t comment or talk or anything. And for those who do comment, or let me know in some small manner that they felt this blog and my opinions were worthy, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me know. Because although I wasn’t ready to give up yet (not even close!), I was struggling there for a while, and you helped me out in more ways then you’d ever know.
So THANK YOU to each and everyone of you who made a difference without ever knowing. I’m back.